The POTW: Verse Til It Hurts


POTW #709
(Week of 3 January, 2010)

This is not so far removed from actual recent experiences. And by the way, I think it's a shame that the domain "" is not currently being used for anything.

Land of Opportunities

A cup of coffee, large, I told the outrospective teen
Who smiled and asked if he should leave a bit of room for cream
And did I want to purchase the extended warranty?
Just in case, you never know, he offered helpfully
And possibly I'd like to have a heating service plan
A sweetener subscription, conversation-on-demand
I brought my wife along for those, I wittily deflected
Some argument insurance then, you'll want to be protected

I sat and was surprised to hear a voice beneath my chair
A pressure sensor triggering a speaker under there
Sitting down and music have a usage correlation
So it would like to give me some important information
About an innovative entertainment destination
A web-enabled, HD-ready, mobile cushion station
It's something I cannot afford to not be in the loop on
So reach below my seat and I will find a free song coupon

The table spoke up next, it introduced itself as "Ray"
It knew my name, address and phone and just how much I weigh
Receptors in my coffee cup had analyzed my DNA
Passed it to the table via hidden Bluetooth relay
And I was predisposed by genes to hair loss, curliness and grey
Without question I would want to buy a new toupee
So I would find an offer in my Twaddle feed today
In fact it had connected to my bank to set up auto-pay
And it was glad to tell me that delivery was underway

I asked my wife if she was as annoyed by this as me
She offered an agreement package, absolutely free

Copyright © 2010 by Dave Grossman

Permanent link to this entry:


The POTW has been on hiatus for a few years now, but you never know when I might pick it back up again. If you use a blog reader of some sort, you can add the poem to it using This Link. Or, if you like, you can have the POTW sent to you by email every week (it's FREE). With our high-tech automated system, all you have to do is send an email to from the mail account where you want to receive it, and we'll put you on the list. You will receive a confirmation by email, although it may take a while as the automated subscription process is quite complex and arcane. (You can see just exactly how complex and arcane it is by taking our guided tour.)

No strings are attached. No salesmen will visit your home. No spam will occur. Your privacy will be vigorously protected. If you have questions, consult the FAQ.

Buy This Book:

Interested in more? Check out "Ode to the Stuff in the Sink," Dave's illustrated book of "guy" verse (concerning the deeper philosophies of things like not doing the laundry, putting your feet on the furniture, and of course beer) at the Maximegalomporium (our store). And did I mention it was illustrated? Pictures!

Where Do You Get Your Ideas?:

Like any self-respecting citizen of the modern age, I use machinery.

Other Frequently Asked Questions:

Consult the POTW FAQ.