The POTW: Verse Til It Hurts


POTW #710
(Week of 10 January, 2010)

Today is the day of the 9th annual No Pants! Subway Ride, concocted by Improv Everywhere and taking place in New York City and other cities around the globe, including nearby San Francisco. While I am decidedly am in favor of this, and of odd public performance pieces in general, I do feel the need to say something in support of pants, lest we forget how well they have served us over the past few centuries.

In Praise of Pants

When impinged by winter wind
By snow or sunshine's pointed lance
Legs encased in merest skin
I'm glad I've got my pants

When hiking hilltops far and wide
Through prickery stickery plants
When chiggers smell my delicate hide
Thank goodness for my pants

When fickle whim of Venus grants
Emergent courtship song and dance
It's possible to sink the chance
For vulnerable new romance
If, by rueful happenstance
My pasty uprights should be glanced
I camouflage the pale expanse
By masquerade of pants

And when my flimsy fleshy stilts
Are nipped by yappy schnauzers
Give me not your skirts and kilts
But armor me with trousers

Though some will claim that they confine
Preferring free and open air
Mostly those from warmer climes
Or those with lavish body hair
I still employ them every day
Perhaps because I have not found
A single more effective way
To hold my pockets off the ground

Copyright © 2010 by Dave Grossman

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