The POTW: Verse Til It Hurts


POTW #866
(Week of 18 May, 2014)

Strange goings on at Poetry Central Headquarters of late, courtesy of a small imp-like creature that has recently been spotted on the premises, making odd noises and dribbling fluids into various nooks and crannies. We call him "Max," and we expect him to stay, which will mean that our expert poetry craftsmen are likely to have plenty of inspiration, but be short on free time for a while. This column may temporarily turn into the Poem of the Whenever, but we will continue to do our best to bring you quality entertainment as often as possible.

Like this:


What is that spot that my baby has got
On the tip of his left middle toe?
There's a droplet of snot, what dread plague has he caught?
Is it terminal? How will we know?

That noise that he's making, the bleating and quaking
What if we've damaged his brain?
His skin has been flaking, his chin has been shaking
How do I tell if he's sane?

His palms are too rough, he's not pooping enough
He keeps waving his poor little arms
He squints in the light and he fidgets at night
Can the hiccups cause permanent harm?

Is his formula right? Are his onesies too tight?
He seems to be losing his hair
Are these colors too bright? Should we dress him in white?
Or will that cause far too much glare?

He still drools down his front after nearly a month
And something is wrong with that snore
Are you hearing those grunts? Call some doctors at once!
He's never done that before!

I'm sure it's aphasia, or fibrous dysplasia
Conversion disorder hysteria
Or that wasting disease that's transmitted by fleas
Strep stroke pox croup or malaria

Lupus, anemia, hypoglycemia
Hodgkin's or Crohn's or diptheria
Chronic arthritis or encephalitis
Escherichia coli bacteria

Shingles or measles or rickets or scurvy
Pertussis or mumps or cirrhosis
Mad cow bird flu swine flu ebola

About his condition our pediatrician
Claimed it was NIPPS he'd contracted
"Normal Infant Parental Panic Syndrome" (it's mental)
...but that wouldn't explain all the factors

Copyright © 2014 by Dave Grossman

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