The POTW: Verse Til It Hurts


POTW #712
(Week of 24 January, 2010)

I was, of course, watching the NFL conference championship games while poeming today (multitasking!). My aging eyeballs and brain momentarily misread something on the TV screen from across the room, and I thought it was both funny AND appropriate, so it turned into a whole poem.

Plug alert: Speaking of games, check this out: . A designer friend of mine by the name of Heather Logas is making a small, independent computer game, funded by ordinary people making small, independent contributions. I sent her a few bucks and I'm plugging her here - she's interesting, I want to see what she does. Support the indie scene! (End plug.)

And now:

Harold Husk, Field Goal Attorney

The stalwart Kansas City Chiefs
Had come prepared with lengthy briefs
A strategy to stall the Eagles'
Powerful backfield paralegals

Injunctions blocked the wide receiver
A Harvard Law School overachiever
Who countersued for illegal formation
Then lost five yards in arbitration

Up through the loophole scurried the back
Then the first chair counsel was sacked
The coach invoked the Manning act
But the judges ruled him down by contract

The red zone arguments failed to impress
With little support for emotional distress
Fourth and long and the case on a gurney
It was time to call in the field goal attorney

Harold Husk was a stoat of a man
A sleek brown coat and a dubious tan
He practiced a kick and he turned to the fans
The ref called for order up in the stands

Patiently Husk began to explain
Football field zoning, precise and mundane
Intricate precedents, clear and arcane
Prior obligation, eminent domain

He spoke at length, and straight and true
Upright, forthright, through and through
Opposing counsel painted sordid
The field goal was summarily awarded

Of course the decision would be appealed
They sequestered the 12 men on the field
For booth review of the constitution
But while awaiting the resolution
The defense rests
And so does the prosecution

Copyright © 2010 by Dave Grossman

Permanent link to this entry:


The POTW has been on hiatus for a few years now, but you never know when I might pick it back up again. If you use a blog reader of some sort, you can add the poem to it using This Link. Or, if you like, you can have the POTW sent to you by email every week (it's FREE). With our high-tech automated system, all you have to do is send an email to from the mail account where you want to receive it, and we'll put you on the list. You will receive a confirmation by email, although it may take a while as the automated subscription process is quite complex and arcane. (You can see just exactly how complex and arcane it is by taking our guided tour.)

No strings are attached. No salesmen will visit your home. No spam will occur. Your privacy will be vigorously protected. If you have questions, consult the FAQ.

Buy This Book:

Interested in more? Check out "Ode to the Stuff in the Sink," Dave's illustrated book of "guy" verse (concerning the deeper philosophies of things like not doing the laundry, putting your feet on the furniture, and of course beer) at the Maximegalomporium (our store). And did I mention it was illustrated? Pictures!

Where Do You Get Your Ideas?:

Like any self-respecting citizen of the modern age, I use machinery.

Other Frequently Asked Questions:

Consult the POTW FAQ.