The POTW: Verse Til It Hurts

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POTW #793
(Week of 26 February, 2012)
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All that lavish glittery celebration is wasted on the rich and famous, don't you think?

Hour Five

Now that you have heard the best directors, films, and sound
We move to other categories somewhat less renowned
As still more worthy candidates receive from The Academy
Those little golden statues with the featureless anatomy

Best Original Breakfast goes to Twyla Tyler-Mays
For her peanut butter pancakes with the orange-honey glaze
(She is currently on location in a well-earned restful bath
So her cousin's nephew's dentist will accept on her behalf)

Performance by a Babysitter in a Disciplinary Role
Goes to Julie Kasperczinski for "The Seven-Second Scold"
She'd like to thank the mischievous brat whose enterprising lunacy
Provided her with such an amazing reprimanding opportunity

And Arthur Penderbeck is this year's uncontested winner
Of the Best Inappropriate Story Told at a Family Holiday Dinner
For his colorful account of the hotel maid and the box of prunes
That he swears really happened to a friend of his on vacation in Cancun

Earl P. Plunkett wins in Special Effects by an Amateur Handyman
For wiring up the light switch so that it also starts the fan
Sally Gingham gets the nod for Carpool Driving Design
Jerzy Ice for Best Short Subject Foreign Language Rhyme

Oliver Jeffrey Bithers wins Best Feature-Length Mustache
With the elegant double-handlebar he displays with such panache
Martha Herpson's Jello Bearnaise is Best Adapted Salad
Zoey Upton's "Sue Me" captures Least Original Ballad

And Todd Robert Nodd receives the coveted Lifetime Achievement Award
For achieving a pleasant lifetime which has otherwise been ignored
And that about wraps it up for this year's Oscar hullabaloo
Do something great and next year's winner might very well be you!

Copyright © 2012 by Dave Grossman

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